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c//4^f5 DA/\/FORD RUBY. 



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Entered according to Act of Congress, in tne^year 1877, 

BY JAMES DANFORD RUBY, 

In the Office of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington. 



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A HISTORY OF MANKIND 

FOR THE CENTENNIAL YEAR. 
BY J. D. RUBY. 



I have long been contemplating giving an account of 
some historical events, that have transpired during the 
last few years j respecting my enterprises on^several sub- 
jects, and the treatment I have received from others. 
And now, on this Centennial year, when so many his- 
tories will be. written, I deem it a fit time to bring to the 
notice of my countrymen, this interesting subject. And 
I first present an exposure of the American nation. 

-..The world can be bought and bribed with gold. I 
think it a duty I owe to my God, and to my fellow- 
men, to show the world the rascality of man. The 
American nation have employed knaves and fools, black- 
legs and swindlers, and those that profess to be God's 
chosen people, to form an alliance with the devil to 
swindle me out of treasures which are justly mine. A 
course not so honorable as it would have been, to demand 
my life and property. Haman built a gallows for Mor- 
decai, and got hung upon it himself. The traitors built a 
gallows for me, and were hung thereon themselves. 
They ought to be hung between the heavens and the 
earth, and have it printed on their foreheads, "Beelzebub, 
the prince of devils," and there hang till God calls for 
them. 

They can impeach Presidents and hang traitors ; but 
they are traitors to both God and man. The devil found 
them so much meaner than himself, that he left them for 
a time, as you plainly see, and promised them he would 



call again to help defeat the man they call insane. 
Satan divided against himself cannot stand. So a nation 
divided against itself cannot stand. This nation is as 
corrnpt as Sodom and Gomorrah WQre. And if it does 
not repent it will be destroyed. The earth will open and 
swallow it np. I now take the matter into my own hands. 
The United States government will, therefore, please em- 
ploy no more agents, but apply directly to me, and with 
me they can treat. 

I now make it known to all the world, 
From East to West, from North to South. 
From the Atlantic shore to the Pacific side, 
Men and demons need no more be bribed. 
Those that wish to purchase 
A valuable prize. 
Will apply to me. 
But not in disguise. 
My musical friends of the American nation. 
Of the highest profession, deserve a blessing. 
1 think it a duty I owe to God and man 

To pray for them. 
To traitors I am never yielding. 
They that have not brains enough to compose their own 

music, 
Will resort to music, stealing. 
They are always growling and grunting. 
They would be hogs if they had brains and bristles ; 
Poor, simple men, they are to be pitied, 
They are sick — I will give them an emetic 
That will act as a cathartic, and operate quick. 

[The following effusion in blank verse, called the 
" Devil's Train," is Avrittenin the form of an allegory, 
and is designed to show how easily the wicked one can 
lead mankind to do wrong.] 

The devil he appeared on earth, to visit his friends and se- 
cure a birth ; 



He came in disguise, to help his friends secure a valua- 
ble prize. 

He proved a botch, and did not make out much ; 

He thought no one could do any smarter than to get the 
United States to be his backer. 

His engine burst, the train run off the track, 

His freight has gone to ruin and to rack, 

Think he might as well pick up his tools and go back. 

He hails from spirit land, with wicked men at his com- 
mand. 

He tells them they must keep a stiff upper lip, 

And he will show them how new a table he can tip ; 

Never changes his base, but keeps his station, 

Professes to be a good freemason. 

He teaches them to lie, cheat, and steal. 

And like a band of brothers help and assist each other. 

When he shakes hands will show how to give the free- 
mason's grip, 

Gets a good hold, will not let it slip. 

The poor I respect, that w^ork for their living, 

The rich I despise, that get theirs by the help of the devil. 

If they do not repent, they will never get to heaven. 

Our free government I am bound to sustain ; 

Wish all traitors were hung between the heavens and the 
main. 

There is a kind of beings too lazy to work, 

For exercise they attend the gymnasium, 

Where they learn to twitch and jerk. 

They think it polite. 

Whether performed in the daytime or in the night. 

The Good Templars profess to be God's holy people, 

They form themselves into secret societies 

To deceive the people, 

They choose darkness rather than light, 

Because their deeds are evil. 

By God's holy word 

All secret things shall be brought to light, 

Whether performed in the daytime 

Or in the night. 

The town of Stafford is the place 

Where the devil selected his greatest rascals. 



He was not smart enough, 

He made a bhuider, 

For a time he went under. 

Old Stafford Street and Staflfordville 

Are the places where he undertook to make his will. 

By his own mouth he is defeated, 

The last known of him he was retreating ; 

He offered them large possessions, 

And valuable treasures in gold ; 

For exchanjre he would take their souls. 



o 



I now make it known to the world, 

And give you all to understand, 

Across the sea and on the land. 

Knaves and swindlers need no more be bribed. 

Those that wish to purchase a valuable prize 

Will apply to me, and not in disguise ; 

I don't get my living by making shoddy, 

I intend to be as honest as anybody. 

They got up a grand scheme 

To conceal their iniquity and not be seen. 

They called me insane, 

To accomplish their knavish game. 

There is a cunning old fox. 

He has been hunting game these ten years or more ; 

He thought he had command of all the game, 

Across the sea and on the land. 

'Tis very queer he should employ 

All the foxes, far and near ; 

When there is game nigh, he creeps along very sly, 

Then jumps twice his length and one half to his middle ; 

If he don't catch a chicken. 

He will take a fiddle. 

That he thinks would be very nice, 

And to all his old foxes he offers a slice. 

I don't profess to be any humbug. 

But the old fox has got shot with a slug. 

And wounded in the leg. 

Therefore he won't be able to make another raid. 

He has gone off howling, he is fairly holed, 

I think he may be smoked out with a little gold. 



These wolves, tliat appear in sheep's clothing, 

Had better start their boots and be going ; 

This cunning old fox 

Has now crawled out of his hole ; 

All he has made he may consider lost ; 

If he has saved anything, 'tis the woolly horse, 

He thinks he is pumpkins, and squash some, 

The way he gets his living is by exhibiting Tom Thumb. 

Humbugs have made their last raid. 

They represent the fox, the hawk, the owl and the knave. 

No one to cheer them, we Avill all hiss them ; 

They have dug their own grave, 

I will help bury them with the shovel and spade, 

And give them an inscription free, 

For the world to see, 

And have it printed on their monuments, 

Over their graves, 

" Here lie the humbugs. 

That were so courageous and brave." 

I am something of a phrenologist, 

Can tell the honest and brave 

From the fool and the knave ; 

Can bind up the broken-hearted 

Of them that their true loves are parted. 

Ruby is come out, and Rachel played out. 

I don't want all the ladies transported 

Beyond the northern hemisphere. 
Itis'leap year. 

And things move very mysterious and queer, 

I am not in despair, 

I think there is a jewel for me somewhere ; 

There are just as good fish in the sea 

As have been catched out ; 

I am going to keep on fishing. 

Till I catch a salmon or a trout. 

This is designed for a centennial poem, 

Will never stop, but always keep going ; 

Those that wish to procure new music hereafter. 

Will apply to J. D. Ruby, Author and Composer. 



[The following war ditty is here inserted as an illus- 
tration of the spirit of warfare I have had to maintain 
for the last ten years, to accomplish my plans against the 
opposition that has been brought to bear against me.] 

Right about face, double quick, 
Forward march, charge bayonet. 
We are ""oino: into battle, we are o:oinir into battle. 
We are j^oino; into battle, do vou hear the cannons rattle? 
We have gone into battle, do you hear the cannons rattle? 
Fight on, brave boys, fightou, on, on ! 

The day is ours by the Almighty power. 
The day is ours by the Almighty power, 
The day is ours by the Almighty power. 
Fight on, brave boys, fight on, on, on ! 

The victory is won, the victory is won, 
The victory is won, the traitors have run. 
The victory is won, the traitors have run. 
Fight on, brave boys, fight on, on, ou ! 

We have no respect of persons, republicans or niggers, 
We have no~respect of persons, copperheads or niggers, 
We have no respect of person, copperhead or nigger. 
Do what you can, if you can do uo bigger.' 

Raise your' banners with the red, white and blue. 
Stand by the banners that are honest and true, 
Stand by the banners with the red, white and blue. 
Fight on, brave'^boys, fight on, on, on ! 



1776 111© Centennial Tear. IS'S^B 

I wish you all, both friends and foes, a happy New Year, 
From the North Pole to the Southern Hemisphere, 
Do away with party spirit, malice and strife. 
And live a better life. 

The Centennial year has arrived, 

Treasures are coming, ancient, modern and subnme. 

From the North, from the South, 

From the East, from the West, 

And from far distant climes ; 

You that live in splendid mansions, affluence ^ 

And wealth, hypocrisy, extravagance, popularity 

And pride, humbugs and hippodromes,— 

All cause the people to mourn. 

Bring to mind our heroes, who fought and bled, 

And°on the battle-field died. 

Our nation is as corrupt as the world was 

In the days of Noah. 

If they don't patch up their ark. 

They will never land on Canaan's happy shore. 

The Lawyera are rotten to the core ; 

If you employ them, they will take 

All you have got, and^en call for more. 

Ministers are a privileged class ; 

Take them together in a mass, 

Very smoothly they glide, ^ _ 

For they have the women on their side ; 

They are not fools nor knaves, L^'"^^?; 

The more money they get the more souls they will 

Doctors are^a necessary evil ; ■ 

They are good for erysipelas/, small-pox and meazles. 

With free good will. 

They will dose you with powder and pill, 

And do it up brown. 

If you have not money enough, 'j 

They will charge it over to the^town. 

I am the laboring man's friend, 

To him my sympathies I lend. 

I make it known to the world wide, 



Let not your liberties for money be bribed. 

Be indstrious and cconomieal, 

Pattern not after the rich for nice apparel, 

And God will give you a blessing. 
Our Revolutionary soldiers, for the liberty we enjoy, 
^Marched barefoot through frost and snow ; 
Hungry, and weary and half-clothed, 
Foot-steps marked with blood ! 
Noble men ! We disgrace their dust ; 
The grave is our portion, for die we must. 
Washington, Lafayette, Jefferson, Jackson, 
Putnam and Warren, never will be forgotten ; 
Their names will roll on to generations yet unborn, [tiou. 
In commemoration of the gallant and patriotic French na- 
We should never have gained our independence. 
Had it not been for Lafayette, 
And other prominent men of that nation. 
United we stand, divided we fall ! 

Raise your banners with the red, white and blue, 
(Stand by tlie,banner that is honest and true. 

This History is written for the Centennial fair, 

That all the world may get a share, 

And it is to be wa'itten .on rocks 

That will stand for ages. 

And be handed down by modern sages. 

Till time shall be no more. 

Stafford, Conn., July, 187G. 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 




015 871 492 9 



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